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Armenbz.com Jokes
Title: Microsoft buys U.S.

REDMOND, Wash. --- In direct response toaccusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp.announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government ofthe United States of America for an undisclosed sum.

"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", saidMicrosoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positivearrangement for everyone".

Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of theWhite House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured membersof the press that changes will be "minimal". The United States willbe managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initialpublic offering is planned for July of next year, and the federalgovernment is expected to be profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest",according to Microsoft president Steve Balmer.

In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had"willingly and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vicepresident with Microsoft, and will continue to manage the UnitedStates government, reporting directly to Bill Gates. When asked howit felt to give up the mantle of executive authority to Gates,Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief". He went on to saythat Gates has a "proven track record", and that U.S. citizensshould offer Gates their "full support and confidence". Clintonwill reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually hehas earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft.

Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved toRedmond as "silly", though did say that he would make executivedecisions for the U.S. government from his existing office atMicrosoft headquarters. Gates went on to say that the House andSenate would "of course" be abolished. "Microsoft isn't ademocracy", he observed, "and look how well we're doing". Whenasked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding,Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place".Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating thatUnited States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increasesin government services and discounts on all Microsoft products.

About Microsoft===============

Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leaderin software for personal computers, and democratic government. Thecompany offers a wide range of products and services for public,business and personal use, each designed with the mission of makingit easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage of thefull power of personal computing and free society every day.

About the United States=======================

Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successfulnation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon ofdemocracy and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered inWashington, D.C., the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary ofMicrosoft Corporation.

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joke number 19 Current Rating 10

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